FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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