im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
