East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
