Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
