im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
