then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
