I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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