So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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