How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
