You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
