the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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