You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
