i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
