u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
