I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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