the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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