I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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