My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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