And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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