we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh god it's open bar.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
