Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
