I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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