we're chasing vodka with high fives
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
