I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
