I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
