It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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