Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize