I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
