If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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