Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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