i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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