Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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