Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's the barista slut.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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