I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
