Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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