I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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