At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My dick has a subreddit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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