This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize