I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
