I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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