i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
