I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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