yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
