You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
