I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
