All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
