if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize