can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
