I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
