I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
