I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize