You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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