I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sext me about skeletons
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
