i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
