Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
