So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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