It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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