Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
