the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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