My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize