I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
