i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
