It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need to align my fucking chakras
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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