and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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