her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
