I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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