Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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