ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
