my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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