its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
