when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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